Planning for Aging Parents & Multigenerational Living
Planning for aging parents & multigenerational living is a growing trend in the United States. Recently I have started working with a family thinking through if they should buy a multi generational property. They aren’t the first family I have helped where this has been the driving force in contemplating a move. And, according to Pew Research these families are not alone. Multi-generational households are increasing significantly.
What is Multi Generational living?
Generally multigenerational living is one or more of the following:
when adult children over 25 live with their parents
when older parents live with their adult children
when all 3 generations of adults live together
when grandparents are the care givers of their grandchildren under the age of 25
Most of my focus will be on helping you find a place for your parents to live with you. However, many of these tips could also apply if your adult children need to live at home as well.
Why MultiGenerational Households?
People are living longer and housing & health care are getting more expensive. This means that more families than ever are having to think through adult children and aging parents. In 1900 almost half of people over the age of 65 lived with their children. By 1971 it was only 7%. By 2021, these numbers had more than doubled from the 1970’s to 18% of multi generational living (Pew Research). Complex factors contribute to these changes. In 1900 there was no social security and no 30 year mortgage. Most people did not own a home (see previous blog on Home Ownership & Wealth and the benefit of the 30 year mortgage). As folks aged and could no longer work, many people had to live with their children. As safety nets increased, perception of multigenerational living actually changed. In fact, more people thought it was a “bad idea” to have multiple generations living together in the late 1970’s during the low point of multigenerational living (see more information on this topic from the U.S. Dept. of Commerce, Bureau of the Census). With the increase of housing costs more adult children AND aging parents are needing to share a household. Nursing care is also getting much more expensive - “only 13% of Americans over 75 could afford a median-priced nursing home, and 14% could afford daily home health visits, according to a 2023 study from Harvard University’s Joint Center for Housing Studies.” And, interestingly perception is also changing with more people seeing both the financial and emotional benefits of having multiple generations living together.
How to create multigenerational living
Me at the age of seven or eight in front of my dad‘s parents house.
As a spoiled 2025 American, I have to remember that my dad grew up in a postwar cinder block house of less than 1,000 sq ft in Jacksonville, Florida. He lived in this 3 bed/1 bath home (pic on right) with his parents, his older sister, and his grandmother. I’ve never heard him talk of hardship with five people sharing one bathroom. His mom made exquisite meals in her tiny kitchen. It is fully possible to take whatever home you live in now and move Grandma into one of the bedrooms or let your adult child move back to their old room. However, fortunately most of our Boomer parents have benefited from years of prosperity and own their home with tremendous equity. Many of our parents also value their independence and really don’t want to move into a bedroom in your home. They want their own space.
Here are some ways to get that space
Finish out a basement - There are many beautiful basements or terrace level homes that can offer a completely separate living space for older parents. Last summer I helped a friend find a home with this space for her parents. We were able to find a home that she liked and then transformed the basement space with a separate entrance and driveway for her parents. They put in a stairlift to allow her parents to easily get upstairs to join her when they wanted to spend time together. The cost was easily covered by the sale of the parents’s home.
Find a property that has a carriage house or garage apartment - You can find properties that already have a separate small home/garage. Often these are two story living. Small elevators can only cost $20,000 and though that might sound like a lot of money, if installing one can make an existing space work for an aging parent, it will be a bargain.
Build an ADU (accessory dwelling unit) - These are becoming more common and appealing as property prices continue to rise. Many communities are changing zoning to allow them even on smaller lots. A custom build ADU is going to most likely cost more than either the basement build out or adapting an existing structure, but it allows everyone to get what they really want in a smaller space.
Build an addition on to your current home or a new home you buy - This offers less independence but you can build it with a separate entrance. This is a good option if it is more of a care giving situation and you need proximity.
Buy a larger piece of property that can be subdivided - Perhaps budget isn’t as much the issue and independence with proximity is the priority. We can find a home you like on a larger lot that allows subdivision. Your parent can then build a full size home on that subdivided lot.
Look for a home very near where you already live - This is actually what my family did. When I was 14, my mom’s parents bought the house right behind us. They built a little bridge over the tiny creek between our yards. Clear boundaries were established (which would need to happen in any of these scenarios) but as the grandchild I was allowed any time over to my grandparents. After my grandpa died and my grandma’s health declined, my parents ended up building an addition to their home for my grandma to live in.
Me and my parents in my mom‘s parents home that they bought behind us
My grandparents in front of that same house
My cousin & I on the bridge between my parents and grandparents house
Things to consider
Timing - you really need to be having these conversations with your parents sooner rather than later. None of the options above happen quickly. You don’t want to wait until your parents need immediate care. Many of the above options could generate income for you until your parents actually need to move in.
Budget - how much will you have to do any of these options? Some are more affordable than others. Are you covering all the cost or are your parents contributing?
Other family members - most of the time, the parents that are moving in are contributing significantly to that cost. Unless you are picking one of the options where your parents will live close by or on a subdivided piece of property, you need to make sure that there is open and clear conversations about what will happen when the parents no longer live there.
Boundaries - as I mentioned with my family, clear boundaries agreed on by everyone are essential to make this work. If the build out, ADU, or addition are on your property, are you making the decisions on how the design goes or are your parents? Once they live there, can you pop in anytime and can they? Will you eat meals together and if so, how often and who pays for them? What is expected of any children living in the house as well? Clear expectations is the key to happiness and that is doubly true here.
I have helped multiple families through the years navigate the ins and outs of finding the right solution for multigenerational living. With the cost of housing and nursing care, it is a great option for lots of families. I know it is a process, often years with the initial conversations. Please reach out if you would like to start exploring the possibilities of multigenerational living.